So, today, I got a rather abrasive email from a co-worker of mine who not only accused me of something that I didn't do, but also, cc'd my supervisor, her supervisor, and half of the supervisory world that I know.  I thought that rather than telling this person where he or she could put this email, I would use it as a "teachable moment" for you, my readers.

You see, in the world of work, interpersonal "friction" is bound to come up.  It's a part of how we as humans interact.  However, the question is, how do you react to this friction without making the situation worse, and ultimately, hurting your mental health? 

As someone with a mental illness, I tend to be sensitive.  In other words, I get triggered very easily, and am often not at "baseline" when it comes to my emotions during the day.  How do I deal with this?  Well, here are a couple of ideas:

1. Find a safe person to vent to.  My boss, bless her heart, is my best outlet for venting while at work.  She listens, consoles, and helps me to reframe when my emotions are making my thougths off base.  As a rule, I consult her before reacting to any emails that are of a accusitory nature.  This way, I am able to pause and come up with a rational plan rather than dropping an atomic bomb of emotion at the wrong time. 

2.  Find an outlet. You, my readers, are one of my favorite outlets.  I can safely talk to you without offending/ saying the wrong thing/ etc.  You don't know who I'm complaning about right now, but I am getting it out, and turning it into a positive, teachable moment for you, as well. 

3. Don't blame yourself unless you deserve the blame.  Just because someone is accusing you of something, doesn't mean they are right.  Those of us with mental illnesses and low self esteem tend to automatically assume that just because someone is accusing us, we're to blame.  This isn't fair to us.  People are always going to accuse and blame.  It's part of work, and the competetive nature of working around others.  Try to analyze objectively, after cooling off.  If it's not your fault, endorse yourself positively. 

4. Don't react on emotion.  Let's be honest.  Being unfairly accused of something by a co-worker can really piss one off.  That's why it's so important to cool down before reacting.  Take a walk.  Do some deep breathing.  Grab a small piece of chocolate.  Do anything to calm yourself down.  Then refer to my number one on this list and vent.  When you are back to a calm place, respond in a calm and cultured manner. 

5. Don't make a mountain out of a molehill by ruminating.  I ruminate.  A lot..  But only if I allow myself to.  I have learned that I have to cut rumination off at the roots so that I don't make something bigger than it is, and react more strongly than I should.  Yes, getting an email like I got today was annoying, but if I let it bother me by ruminating about it, it can surely ruin my day.  And, look out for the person that did it, because I can surely ruin theirs.  But, I have discovered long ago that "day ruining" is a waste of one's  time, and in the end only hurts me.  I have learned to cut myself off from brooding and resentments, because the anger prevents me from happiness.   So, when I feel the obsessing begin, I distract my mind by finding another more important thing to focus on.  Also, I've learned to see people that are adversaries in my life to be really my best friends.  Why?  Because they force me to grow and strengthen my ability to manage my emotions.  And in managing negative emotions in a good way, I find that I am happier overall.  Isn't that what life is all about?


Be Well
~Emily