Ah, Marlboro. This town, located just one hour southwest-ish of NYC, was once all farmland and clay. The "marl" in Marlboro is a clay that the Indians used to use to make clay pots and such (at least that's what Ms. Breen told us in third grade). Growing up in Marlboro was wonderful in many ways. It was a suburb of NYC, so very often, my parents or friends and I would hop a train and go into the city. The sprawling farmland was sold and turned into the kind of soccer fields that any "soccer mom" would adore. The school district was very highly regarded, and as an upper-middle class suburb, none of my friends ever had to deal with the pain of poverty or starvation. HOWEVER, there was something in the air in Marlboro; let's for now call it "friendly competition." There were EXPECTATIONS- which started among the parents, but trickled down to the kids like the water in a leaky faucet trickles into the sink. Conversations amongst parents when I was young would go something like this, "I would have let David come over to play today, but he's so busy, what with travel soccer, his Project Venture homework (our district's elementary school Gifted and Talented Program), and gymnastics competition that he couldn't possibly have time." To which the other mother would respond, "well, that's ok. My son was busy too- he was working on his science fair project, which he, by the way got an A+ on and taking his concert piano lessons, so he couldn't have had a friend over anyway." This "competition" continued throughout my youth, and into adolescence. The conversation became different, but the main messages were still the same. How come my father, who bless his heart traveled back and forth to NYC everyday with many of the other Marlboro fathers, could tell me by the time he got home at night exactly what my schoolmates' SAT scores were, where they were going to college, and what they were majoring in. Believe me, it wasn't because he was highly interested. It was because the "competition conversation" continued from Marlboro to NYC, and then all the way back home. And it didn't end there. Dad was also able to overhear how much money people's kids were making on their first job, where they were working, and eventually who they were marrying, and how much the engagement ring cost. Is anyone else seeing something wrong with this picture? As I said before, there were "EXPECTATIONS," in Marlboro. Not from my parents, but from the general masses. Expectations about how well one did in school, how one dressed, the kind of car they drove, the extra curricular activities that one was involved in. And for someone like me, someone who always wanted to be her best self, I certainly got wrapped up in all of this. Part of it was just trying to fit in. Part of it was that I am competitive by nature. But, I put so much pressure on myself to fit the "Marlboro Mold." I had to look, dress, achieve, and generally fit in with the high standards set by many parents, and absorbed by their children. But, in all of this competition, where was the room for a child with special needs? It wasn't there. And by high school, although I did well academically and socially, I was just that; a child with special needs. I was anorexic. I was highly depressed and anxious. I felt alone. And all of this, I ever so carefully hid behind my "Marlboro Mask," letting only a few close confidants see the "real me." I remember going to football games in high school, and putting on my makeup and my best cheerleader smile, only to come home and break down in tears behind closed doors. I remember hiding in my basement from friends that just stopped by for a visit if I didn't think I looked my best, and making my sister tell them I wasn't home. I remember all of the compliments I would get on my 90 lb body when I was in high school, and hoping I'd always stay 90 pounds. No one cared that I was starving myself, not even me. It didn't matter. I had to fit in, I had to be "perfect" and keep my "Marlboro Mask" intact. But, this left very little room for the real me. The real me was someone that I squelched and hid under the covers at night, secretly hoping she'd disappear so that I could be as perfect as friend X and friend Y. The real me was a depressed, anxious mess who felt so scared of her symptoms and completely alone. I remember having to learn relaxation exercises from a therapist to take my SATs and make Varsity Cheerleading. Really? Yes. That's how bad it got. I started at Emory University, a place that I like to call "Marlboro south," and believe you and me, my "Marlboro Mask" came right along with me. But, within months, it all came crashing down. You can only squelch full-blown bipolar disorder and your own self for so long before it bubbles up to the surface. And bubble up it did. I had to leave school to go into the hospital within my first semester. I was mortified. What would I tell all of my friends from Marlboro and their parents? I hated myself for "ruining my life," and only wanted to die. Well, finally, I was forced to face myself; forced to start to take off my "Marlboro Mask." It was a gradual process, but in college, I just couldn't run from who I really was anymore. I had to share about the most intimate parts of my life with my schoolmates, because it was obvious that something was wrong, and frankly, I was tired of hiding. It was exhausting. I remember being so ashamed because I was living in my sorority house, but getting picked up by a bus to go to my day program for my mental health every day. I remember being in and out and in and out of the hospital for my psychiatric health. Trying medication after medication. Nothing was working. But, I could no longer hide from who I really was. And, in retrospect, humiliating as it was, it was the best thing for me. I went through all of the stages of loss of my former self- the anger, the grief, and finally acceptance. This came after I graduated college and was working on my first job. I joined an organization called NAMI In Our Own Voice, in which they trained you to tell your recovery story. I remember my trainer, who has now become a dear friend of mine, was a man who had schizophrenia, but managed to become the CFO of several Fortune 500 companies. I remember seeing others who struggled with their mental health, and had recovered and lived amazing lives. And, I finally realized three things: 1) I wasn't alone, 2) it wasn't my fault, and 3) I had nothing to be ashamed of. From the first time that I told my story to an audience, I realized that this story put me in the position to help others. That there were so many people like me, who suffered in silence, who hid behind social masks, and were ashamed and hopeless. And, as I shared my story, I gained confidence and a realization of why I was put on this Earth with Bipolar Disorder- to help others who were suffering. Finally, I took my "Marlboro Mask" and incinerated it. And, in doing so, I set myself and others free. It feels damn good to be thirty three, and accept myself exactly as I am, and even LOVE that person. And it feels great to know that you, my readers, can benefit from the pain that I once felt- there was a purpose behind my suffering. I hope that by getting rid of my "Marlboro Mask," I can encourage others to do the same. Self love, not self blame. Be Well, ~Emily 3 Comments No kidding, Me too! 06/17/2011
I wanted to talk again about one of my favorite topics, stigma. I found a really great website today called No kidding, Me too! which talks a lot about mental health stigma, and has a goal of taking away the predjudices and biases which surround people with mental illness, or as the website calls it, BD, brain dis-ease. I like this distinction, because mental illness has such a negative connotation, and brain dis-ease is more labeling mental illness what it is, unease in one's brain as the result of a chemical imbalance of sorts. I would encourage you to check out this wonderful site! Be Well ~Emily More on Stigma 04/29/2010
I know that stigma seems to be one of my favorite topics to write about on my blog, but it is for a reason. If we do not fight against mental illness stigma, no one is going to want to get help because they feel too embarrassed and afraid about what the world thinks of them. I had a client explain to me that he was actually afraid to go on a trip with his buddies because he was afraid that they would figure out that he had a mental illness and start to talk about him behind his back. When I explained to this man that one in four Americans are diagnosed with mental illness, he seemed surprised. He was even more surprised when I broke it down further for him: of the twelve guys that he was about to go on the trip with, three of them most likely had experienced mental illness. He couldn't believe it. Why should this man feel so alone? It is because of stigma. Our media and pop culture stigmatizes these illnesses like no other. I leave you with the perfect example of stigma. Check out this popular song that came out just a few short years ago. It is called "Crazy": More Stigma in the Media 03/06/2010
Have you ever heard a positive story about someone with mental illness on the news? If you have, you are in a minority. The news seems to target those with mental illness by choosing to publish/ air stories of the people with mental illness who have committed crimes, rather than targeting positive stories about those with mental illness. Does this mean that more people with mental illness commit crimes? Absolutely not. It is a proven fact that people with mental illness are more likely to be victims than perpitrators of crime. So, why does our media insist on going for the stories that are about mentally ill people committing crimes? Well, it would seem, that public interest has something to do with it. Many people love to read a crime story like that just like they like to look at a car wreck on the road. How can we make the change? Well, let's boycott! If enough people stop buying magazines/ newspapers, etc where these things are written, that should help. If we do not read about mentally ill people who commit crimes on blogs/ other internet sites, they will publish something different. If we ignore newscasts of this kind, we will no longer see them on television. Do you really want skewed media that targets certain less fortunate populations and makes them look bad? By making some simple changes in the type of media that you read/ watch, you can do your part to end mental illness stigma, and help those of us who have a mental illness but are contributing positively to the world to be heard! Be Well. ~Emily Another GREAT Child/ Young Adult Resource 02/27/2010
It is so critical that when a child is diagnosed with a mind disorder, they realize that they are not alone. Half of Us is MTV's campaign to educate children and adults about mental illness. It features celebrities and non-celebrities telling their stories about their experience with mental illness. Celebrities such as Brittnay Snow and Mary J. Blige are joined with others to share their experiences. There is truly a story that everyone can relate to on this site. I totally recommend that you give the site a visit and hear others speaking out on their experiences. Glenn Close's Campaign Against Stigma 02/24/2010
Mental illness affects celebrities, too. Glenn Close’s sister, Jessie, is Bipolar. In an effort to support her, Glenn Close put together a PSA to de-stigmatize mental illness. Bravo to her for using her celebrity for the betterment of society. Please take a look at it, and also explore the rest of the Bring Change 2 Mind site. It gives you a great perspective about people who have struggled with mental illness. Hopefully, you know someone that you can share this important PSA with, and help change lives! Be Well ~Emily Stigma in society 02/06/2010
I know that I’ve talked already a bit about eradicating stigma. However, stigma is far- reaching enough in our society, that sometimes, we don’t even notice that we ourselves are stigmatizing someone with a mental illness. So, I’ve taken the liberty of providing you with some examples of what stigma of mental illness looks like. 1. Stigma in Music: A lot of songs stigmatize mental illness. They may do it in a cute, funny way, but still, it’s stigma none the less, and can be insulting to those affected. Here are some examples of songs, old and new, that are stigmatizing.
Be Well ~Emily On stigma... 02/03/2010
What is stigma? Well, stigma is defined by Dictionary.com as a mark of disgrace or infamy; a stain or reproach, as on one's reputation. One often hears this word used when referring to a mind disorder or mental illness. Although it is getting better, society traditionally has not been kind to those who have mind disorders, labeling them as "crazy." They are often portrayed in movies as villains. The media is very quick to share the stories of those with mind disorders who commit crimes, however, someone with a mental illness is much more likely to be the victim rather than the perpitrator of a crime. However, this idea that a mind disorder should be "a stain or reproach, as on one's reputation" is entirely wrong, and it is up to each of us to do our part to change this. Some of the smartest, most influential people in the history of the world have had mind disorders, including such greats as Lincoln and Churchill. A mind disorder can add abilities to one's life, such as sensitivity, empathy, and creativity, just to name a few. So, how do we change stigma? One of the most important ways is by speaking out and making your voice heard. This website is an attempt to erradicate stigma. It was a hard decision for me to decide to "come out" about being Bipolar. However, I did it for the sake of others that have this disAbility. I am trying to live my life as a role model to others with mind disorders, and also to prove to the general public that a mind disorder does not have to affect one's entire life. People with these disorders can work, live independently, have deep, caring relationships, and live very vibrant lives. With the proper treatment, I have been able to do all of these things. Bipolar has opened me up to a career path that I never would have considered before, and given me the proper empathy to do my job with all of my heart. And, contrary to what most people may think, the people that love you will love you regardless of diagnosis, regardless of the labels that society may put on you. So, let's end mental illness stigma once and for all. Speak out and be heard! Be Well ~Emily | ArchivesJanuary 2012 CategoriesAll |
RSS Feed