What endlessly amazed me during my time as a teacher is how many students would tell me that they were going through something difficult, or even worse, how many were obviously going through something difficult, yet in either case, the parents did not make any contact with me.  I know that some families like to keep their problems in the home, however, if your child is going through a trauma or is experiencing the onset of mental illness symptoms, it is important that you tell his or her teachers.  But, it should not stop there: the administrators, guidance counselors, school social workers, and school psychologists should also know. 

Why is this so important?  Well, a teacher is less likely to be hard on a student who is struggling, but may take extra time to help them.  But, more importantly, the team that I just listed above needs to know so that they can make a plan to help your child be more successful in school.  These people generally meet at least once a week to discuss the children in the grade who are struggling and brainstorm solutions.  However, without parent help and "buy in," the child is likely to flounder, and not get the help that he or she so imperatively needs. 

Some parents also do not say anything to the "powers that be" in school because they do not want their children to get classified.  They are afraid that to put their child in "special education," their child may not get the rich experience that they would get in a regular classroom setting.  Well, I am here to tell you that this is not always the case.  In the school that I taught, the children in special education were included in most regular education classes.  The difference was, that they got more support around things that they did not understand.  Many times, these children were the ones that did among the best in my class due to the extra support of their special education teachers. 

So, here are a few questions to ask your administrator/ guidance department when revealing that your child is struggling with mental health concerns:

1.  Is your special education department inclusive (meaning do the children that are classified get to participate in the regular classroom setting?)
2. Are the classroom aids trained in how to work with children with mental illness?
3.  Are the special education teachers trained in how to work with children with mental illness?
4.  If not, is there another school in the district that has a special education teacher specifically trained and experienced at working with this population (schools should pay to send your child to these schools, but it is up to you to fight for this). 
5. What are some reasonable accomodations that your child is entitled to?
6. Can your child see a guidance counselor/ school social worker/ school psychologist on a regular basis?
These questions are all so important for you to ask if your child is struggling with a mental health disorder. 
Remember: don't be afraid to speak up and fight for your child.  It's the squeaky wheel that gets the grease.  Children whose parents advocate for them are, in my experience, the ones who are most successful in school. 

Be Well,
~Emily

I'm a bit later with my post today than usual, which I apologize about.  However, I've been really reflecting on what I want to say today.  I have been surfing the web all day for stories and other interesting tidbits, but I think that I will stick with mostly my own experience today. 

Although the media has begun to address children's mental health in some profound ways, as I showed in yesterday's post, I really feel that schools (at least the ones that I've worked in/ been educated in) are not doing a good enough job of addressing these issues. 

I'll give you some examples:

Flash back to 1996 and before.  I was in high school.  Upon reflecting back, I was in the throws of my mental illness long before it was diagnosed.  I had an undiagnosed eating disorder, I was extremely anxious and depressed, however, I really didn't know a thing about mental disorders.  Why wasn't there education in my school on this subject?

Jump ahead a decade.  What my student teaching taught me was that not much has changed.  While working in a school in NYC, I asked the guidance counselor what the middle school's philosophy was on suicide prevention.  She looked at me and said: "We believe that if we talk about it, we will give the kids ideas, so we don't talk about it."  Now there's a solution.

The next couple of years during my teaching experience in New Jersey, I saw even more of this.  I remember when one of my sixth grader's older brothers committed suicide.  Not a word of it was discussed, and the kids were left to wonder and try to figure out what happened on their own.  How confusing for them.  How sad that a real conversation wasn't had in our school about suicide. 

I once had a discussion in my class about the word "emo."  The kids were obsessed with calling each other this.  For those of you who don't know, "emo" is short for emotional.  Kids label other kids this for all kinds of reasons- what they wear, how they act, etc.  I explained to my students about the stigmatizing nature of such a label.  I told them that if they ever were truly struggling with their emotions, they should see a guidance counselor and speak to them about it.  Well, guess what?  Kids actually went to see the counselors.  Amazing, isn't it?  And then, I got called down to the principal's office and reprimanded for having such a conversation.  Kids actually went to the guidance counselors, and they were not prepared for this.  What?  Prepared to do their job?

Is it ironic that in three separate schools, in two different states, there was such a lack of insight and education about children and adolescent mental health?  I really don't think so.  Administrators, teachers, and guidance counselors are on the front lines in terms of dealing with these issues.  Yet, no one wants to talk about it.  If we don't educate children about their mental health, how are they going to know how to help themselves?  How are they going to know that there is hope, that they can get better?

I'll give you one more scenario.  One of the adults that I treat at my mental health center abuses his wife.  When I gave him new skills on how to handle conflicts with her, he was amazed because no one had ever taught him this before.  He spent his whole life abusing and being abused because he didn't have the skills to handle conflict without his fists.  Why don't schools educate children about how to manage their emotions, so that they don't end up hurting themselves or each other?  It's a conversation that needs to happen. 

Be Well~
Emily