When a child or young adult struggles with their mental health, it is not just that person, but the whole family that gets affected.  You and your spouse or partner may find yourselves arguing a great deal about the type of treatment that your child should receive.  Here are some tips to help you to overcome this struggle:

1. Make time for romance:  If your child is struggling, chances are you and your spouse/partner are talking about it a lot.  It is so important that you both take breaks and don't let this subject become the center of your relationship.  Go out for a romantic dinner, and make the subject of your child off limits for the night.  This will help to revive the romance. 

2. Do your research:  When a child is struggling with their mental health, many parents go with their instincts about how the child should be treated without learning what the experts are recommending.  In order to be on the same page with your spouse/ partner about your child's treatment, make sure that it is something evidence-based rather than just based on your own opinion.  This may help you and your partner to agree if the experts are recommending it. 

3.  Be consistant at home:  Talk to your spouse about the rules that you think are important to implement regarding your child's behavior, and vice versa.  You don't want a good cop, bad cop situation, where your child tries to go to one parent to override the other parent's rules.  This can create a lot of marital strife.  Instead, come up with rules that you both agree upon, and stick to them. 

And always remember that ultimately, you and your spouse/ partner have the same goal- your child's mental health.  You are on the same team, and it is important to recognize and acknowledge that to each other. 

Be Well~

Emily

As we know, mental illness affects the whole family.  So, in my research today, I was particularly pleased when I found Just Ask For Young Adults, a resource guide for young people age 17-22 who have siblings with mental illness.  I am particularly sensitive to this topic because I remember the struggles that my own sister had when I was going through the beginning stages of my Bipolar disorder.  I wish that this resource was available for her, because I think that it would have answered so many of her questions, and helped her to calm her anxieties about me a bit.  I hope that in the next couple of years, we see more resources like this one come out, because families need to know how to handle a loved one's mental illness.  It is not intuitive.  Hopefully, this post will help someone who really wants to help/ understand their sibling's mental illness, but is not sure how. 

Be Well
~Emily

I was recently interviewed by Rabbi Shira Stern of Temple Rodeph Torah for a sermon that she was preparing for Rosh Hashana.  In our interview, she asked me an interesting question:  "Do you have any advice for families as far as how they can help their children and young adults who are struggling with a mental illness?"   I thought for a moment, and then shared:  "The best way to help others who are struggling is to take care of yourself. Then, you can truly be there for your loved ones."

I like to call this the "oxygen mask theory of life."  When you are flying on a plane, and you get all of the safety tips in the beginning, they talk about how, if the cabin should ever lose oxygen, oxygen masks will fall.  When they do, they always advise that people who are sitting next to a child put their mask on first.  This is not to be cruel.  Let's say you don't have your mask on and you try to put the mask on the child, but they fight you.  Now both parties are in trouble. 

The same is true for caring for a loved one with a mental illness.  If you are not caring for yourself, and making your care your number one priority, how can you help your loved one?  There are supports out there for you.  Many organizations have support groups just for families.  For example, NAMI, the national alliance on mental illness, has courses for families to take to learn how to care for loved ones who are struggling with a mental illness.  It is also important that you take care of your mental health.  You may want to work with a therapist in order to get good advice on how to handle your situation with your loved one.  Eat well, exercise, sleep well.  And, don't put your life totally on hold.  It is important that you get out and enjoy yourself as much as you can, even if you feel guilty. Try not to feel guilty though.  Caring for yourself is the best thing that you can do. 

Be Well
~Emily